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Infinity Warwas a lot. It was so much. It was truly the most,amateur massage sex videos am I making sense here? At two-and-a-half hours with over a dozen key players and overlapping, interplanetary storylines, it put us through the ringer (and don't even get us started about that ending).

It's easy for a character to get lost in a film that dense, so we decided to reward the Avengers with some good ol' mock awards, like the Infinity War was just summer camp or your entire high school career. We'll start with the traditional superlatives (best hair, etc.) and then get specific and weird.

SEE ALSO: Who's who in 'Avengers: Infinity War'

Best hair: Steve Rogers/Captain America

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Not only did he grow out his head hair just the right amount, but Cap rocked the facial hair heard round the galaxy (hey Drax, is thisa man?). Not a strand fell out of place in combat, except for when it did and was somehow even more attractive.

Best eyes: Thor

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This would have been true even if it were just the one working overtime, but this pirate angel found himself a new (used) eye and totally made it work.

Most likely to succeed: Doctor Steven Strange

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Yes, he vaporized along with many of his peers at the end, but Strange ostensibly had a plan to defeat Thanos, and we're willing to bet on that one in 14 billion chance.

Best couple: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes Peter Quill and Gamora

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Most of the Avengers' fates are up in the air after Infinity War's ending, but one person likely to stay dead is Gamora, making this the most star-crossed and doomed MCU romance since Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter. THEY ONLY HAD THE ONE KISS.

Best in a crisis: Tony Stark/Iron Man

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Say what you will about the MCU's oldest hero (don't come at me with a Hulk take rn), but Tony snaps into survival mode when New York is attacked in this movie, and immediately after when he ends up in space – and you know how much that messed him up last time. He reasons with Strange, looks out for Peter, joins forces with the Guardians, and they collectively hatch an actual, viable plan to fight Thanos.

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Most patient: T'Challa/Black Panther

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Okoye makes a valid point when she says this isn't what she had in mind for Wakanda. T'Challa took a huge risk trusting Cap and giving refuge to Vision, not to mention by opening a sector of Wakanda's boundaries to extremely harmful predators. He put up with the sheer heroic nonsense of saving Vision instead of half the universeand contributed the world's best warriors to a fight unlike anything they'd ever seen. He deserves better than 90 percent of these Avengers.

Most likely to make us drown in a puddle of our own tears: Peter Parker/Spider-Man

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Peter. How dare you. You know what you did.

Best one-liner: Drax the Destroyer

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"WHY is Gamora?"

Best poker face around an ex: Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow

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Things could've been real awkward when Bruce came back to Earth, but Natasha is a professional. Saving the world is more important than saving your relationship, which can wait for when the universe isn't in immediate peril. Which brings us to...

Most likely to put bros first: Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch

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Wanda you literally risked HALF THE LIVES IN THE UNIVERSE to save your mans. And "mans" is a generous term cause like he's mostly robot. idk what to even say 2 u.

Most likely to put hoes before bros: Okoye

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Okoye, knowing all the B.S. that Wanda and the Avengers are pulling just to save Vision, does her duty as a warrior and kicks some serious ass to save Wanda. THIS IS SISTERHOOD WANDA R U PAYING ATTENTION.

Most unexpectedly delightful team up: Bucky Barnes and Rocket Raccoon

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Bucky may have scoffed at the end of their brief exchange, but these two work together like a well-oiled machine.

Most efficient: Thanos

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He collected more Infinity Stones in one movie than Harry Potter collected horcruxes in two! (More on that here.)

Biggest burden: Vision

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Truly, my dude, you should've died to save half the universe.

Participation Award: Bruce Banner/Hulk

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You tried.

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Topics Disney Marvel

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